tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6544929658999200853.post3605371265699804952..comments2022-11-07T18:17:33.935+08:00Comments on Eternal Love Seeker: why title matters anyway?Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6544929658999200853.post-65219241698044630392021-01-04T00:52:10.021+08:002021-01-04T00:52:10.021+08:004 Jan 2021
Exactly 4 years fastforward. I'm t...4 Jan 2021<br /><br />Exactly 4 years fastforward. I'm the 27y.old Farhah,who has heals & embracing myself better than ever. I managed to graduate despite my fyp was bad��. I graduated and back to home for good. To be honest, I never wanted to go home. I never wanted to stay at that home anymore. Those painful memories, still hurt and I was traumatised. Yet, I've nowhere to go, no one else to rely on. I have no choice to went back home. To that lonely room. Came back and become that lonely and confused little woman. I cried a lot for these 4 years. Crying alone in the dark room. I even went into depression for a week. Nothing in my mind but suicidal. I wanted to vanish from this world. I was badly hurt. The painful from loneliness was surprisingly deadly. I preferred to died rather than going through the same painful experience once gain. I told myself repetitively, NO ONE SHOULD FEEL THIS! NO ONE SHOULD BE LEFT ALONE.<br /><br />As a confused and lonely child, I always crave for connection with people. I wanted to connect and feel loved by others. I have so much in my chest. Despair, sadness, anger and bottling rage I have suppressed inside me, have finally show the impact. I lost myself. I lose my mind. I can no longer feel happy. I dont feel normal. I cry all day for a week. Untill I can no longer take it anymore. I beg my friend to take me out of my room so i can find distraction from my own thoughts. Everything I felt, is killing me. It took me a while to calm down because I fought alone. I need to find answers so I can reasoning with myself for what was actually wrong with me. Why I was a unhappy child. Why I was hurt. Why I was all alone. Why I have so many issues. Why I hate myself and my family. After months of struggling, it became years. After 4 years, I finally found my answer. Found solace. The badly wounded child in me, finally understood and decided to move on and embracing her past. I choose to be happy. I choose myself over others. I fought against unjustice, mistreatment I always endured for so many years. I gave them back for whatever shit they always threw on me. I liberated myself. And now I am free, happy, confident, embracing my past and looking forward to give myself the best future ahead.<br /><br />I know everything sounds so ridiculous, but I am proud of where I am now. I survived this hell. I survived those painful days. And now, I want nothing but the best for myself♥️Farhah Amalinanoreply@blogger.com